freeloading filipino families, bunch of users

by mark
(canada)

My Story- Summer 2015

I have or maybe had when you read this a Filipina girlfriend,
I will start by telling you my immediate experience with some of her family.

All they wanted from me from the very get go were gifts and money, and even her brother and friend came to my house I rented for us asking for money, most likely for beer, cigarettes or whatever, within 24 hours of arriving on my second visit. This same brother about 20yo would drive by the house asking for things he knew we might have like chocolate which she took from our fridge and brought to him outside.

I almost didn’t come because of my first visit which was for 1 week in April 2015. I was paying everything for several family members (for her aunt, aunt’s bf and their kids) on a daily basis and her Aunt wanted to plan our time there which my girlfriend was ready to follow which was to include all of them of course. This was our first time meeting in person after maybe 2 months of chatting. I was shocked on how they were so ready to take advantage from the second I arrived. I returned telling her sorry but I don’t want this in my life and that I had a miserable time. But I was assured this would not be the case in the future. But it was the case again, expected to pay for everything and everyone.

If you don’t do what they want or complain they may accuse you of being cheap,being selfish or counting everything, but believe me it adds up quickly and it is money I worked very hard for. To blow it on strangers ready to squander money I worked hard for is offensive to me. They claim it’s their culture or they have strong family values or its sharing etc. but really it’s simply exploitation.

So I rented a small little home for 1 month. There were many dogs, cats and chickens in the neighborhood. Most dogs running loose, barking day and night, eating your garbage and lots of puppies. Now witnessing their parenting skills and nutrient was the next thing upsetting me. They choose the worst food/junk to eat and drink, it’s even more expensive. Most kids front teeth have rotten away by 10-13 y/o. This seems to be about the age many also quit school. I refused to eat like this or feed her siblings this way but they usually pushed aside the healthier food I served them.

They think they are more important to your spouse/gf/etc. than you are and they expect loyalty from their children, niece/nephews, cousins 1st 2nd 3rd, grandchildren, even other Filipinos’ over you, for the sake of the family or culture when they want money or something.

They use foreigners as a source to support them, their children and all their family members. They say it’s their culture but it’s simply a freeloading lazy exploitative narcissistic mentality, a kind prostitution and uncivilized behavior.

What’s mine or what I worked hard for she considered was hers instantly and what is hers her family considers is theirs as well. Even personal items of mine she shares with them, from the pillow and blanket on my bed, even my bed, breath mints,razor, whatever I had before I considered very personal to me are not here. They just help themselves without permission. I’ve have watched them smoke other peoples cigarettes, take food off their plate in restaurants and even drink out of their glasses/cups without permission.

I’ve asked her and her siblings to not eat between meals or everything once we arrive from the grocery store. She will also add items to the grocery cart we already have or for her parents. I cannot afford all this nor am i being appreciated or respected and they don’t get it. I can go on and on how I feel taken advantage of. It’s not their money they are spending or worked for, I am sure it would be a different story if it was.

I’m sure with most foreigners or anyone who has a job it’s the same. You invite a couple of them out for dinner or your home once the others are aware of it more and more will show up with their kids and all, ready to raid your home and take without permission and litter all over, with disgusting eating habits. At first when they showed invited or uninvited they wanted me to pay their taxi. They expect you to provide meals, alcohol, cigarettes, pay transportation home or they may want to stay even for the night, week or month or until they find something better.

Like I mentioned above they like to show up without an invitation and feel they are entitled to invite others to your home with all their kids. They are happy to waste food and other things when others pay. Yet they can barely afford rice on their own. They abuse your generosity to a level that is disgusting and do nothing for you.
However children are raised this way to take care of their parents etc. I don’t think it is love as they do, it is an unhealthy dependency and a way to justify leaching/mooching of each other to protect their way of life. Yet they seek foreigners to support not just one of them but all of them. Why? There is no shame here or guilt for what they do. I doubt it will work out for me and my gf as I can’t stand this type of behavior it is toxic to me and causes overwhelming resentments and a lack of trust.

All the extras on them really add up. If they see any money or assets in the future connected to her I am sure they will come after it, like it is theirs or they have a right to it.

This is a post I read was written by a Pilipino: The Filipino’s concept of close family ties gave rise to a tradition not really meant to evoke affection between family members but rather to take advantage and leech on those who are successful; to mooch from those who labor and think; to ride on and claim pride from the accomplishments of others because they are your kin or a “kababayan.” It is a product of mediocrity, laziness, lack of self-respect and a failure to become independent self-determinists.


You probably heard the saying ’beggars can’t be choosy’, meaning people who depend on the generosity of others are in no position to dictate what others give them, but not the case with Filipinos, they’re choosy and will take advantage when they can even call you cheap if they are not satisfied and criticize how you spend your money on them or yourself.

Once they can’t rely on their youth, appearance or sex appeal anymore they will be abandoned. From my experience here I believe many of them whose bf works abroad and who sends them money, these women are not even faithful to them and have other secret bf or keep looking for other men online they can exploit/seduce into giving to them or sending them money. Disgusting but true in many of these cases involving foreigners and online dating sites.

Yes they spend this money you send them on friends and family, going to bars/discos, liquor, cigarettes etc…they have fun while you work, easy money they can spread around is all they care about. This is not love it’s using/abuse/deceit.


If you do decide to continue with a relationship with someone from this country I suggest strong boundaries from the beginning. Don’t give unless it is really needed or for health. Do not allow just anyone to drop in without an invitation, don’t pay for everything or everyone, and see how they react and if they respect your relationship, make sure your gf respects you too and your well-being comes first.

When we are alone and I start to feel some peace, manageability and tranquility I will start to notice litter they left on my property from ice pop packages, gum wrappers, bottles, candy wrappers and then stepping on blobs of gum sticking on my shoes while I am trying to bbq or there is garbage under or in the cracks of the sofa etc.

Then they think I am cheap, close minded, moody or anti-social. I have limits and standards which is something they don’t understand, they are ready to defend their behavior and way of life but want the foreigner to bail them out and feel sorry for them. I know my relationship is about what I am,not whom I am and it will be a miserable existence for me. I can’t wait to look back on this and be free again. What I did learn though is that the stupidity, lack of education and poverty here has a lot to do with laziness and the enmeshed/codependent family structure.


I once thought I could save for a home for us here and maybe start a small business but never under these conditions, nor do I believe she will be able change intrusiveness that would preventg this from happening as much as she tries to convince me.

Comments for freeloading filipino families, bunch of users

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Apr 30, 2018
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Congrats!
by: Anonymous

Good for you, you SEE CLEARLY what the average Filipino is like. I hope you dumped your girlfriend. She sounds like a typical 2-digit IQ product of mediocrity. I wouldn't waste time on her or anyone like her.

I wish you could post this in other forums so that non-Filipinos seeking relationships with Filipinas could be warned.

By the way, I am part Filipina ethnically, however my culture is American. Coming to the Philippines, I was totally shocked by the parasitic behavior you describe. It's just wrong.

I'm glad you see the culture for what it is.

Apr 28, 2018
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Plenty of freeloaders in Phils but not all...
by: Anonymous

I'm a Canadian expat living in Philippines for 13 years and married to a Filipina. I had dated several Filipinas in the past and broke up with them for exactly the type of behaviour the OP described.

Freeloading and laziness are epidemic in the Philippines. That is a fact. But strangely, the Filipinos that do work tend to work very hard. There is usually one person in a family (typically female) who works hard and is the breadwinner for everyone. Some families take advantage of this, especially if the breadwinner also manages to find a foreign boyfriend or husband. In most families, however, adults will take turns being the breadwinner and sacrificing and sharing. In educated middle class families, everyone typically works, which how they get to be middle-class.

Sociopathy and Narcissistic Personality Disorder are rampant in the Philippines, manifested as Pinoy Pride. I think it mainly stems from severe insecurity about their social and economic status. Filipinos are inherently very discriminatory and can be extremely cruel to anyone who doesn't fit their norms and standards.

All yhat bad stuff said, most Filipinos are wonderful, kind and hospitable people. They're also a lot of fun to hang out with and tend to have a great sense of humour.

If you're planning to date a Filipina, I offer this advice:

1. Close the age gap. If you're old and out of shape and she's young and sexy, she is after your money. Stick with women in the same generation as your own.

2. Expect her to invite one friend or sister one the first date or two as a chaperone. If she invites her whole family or 5 or 6 friends, just say no and walk away.

3. Expect to bring pasalubong (small gifts) for her family whenever you visit. This is a sign of respect and sharing. It's not just a Filipino thing but is common in many cultures throughout the world.

4. If she's ready for sex and tells you she loves you on the first date, run like hell. Non-scammer Filipinas tend to be quite conservative. I dated my wife several times a week for 2 months before we slept together.

Apr 03, 2018
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Dude , wise up
by: Anonymous

I am very sorry that you were exploited like that , but not at all surprised. My father has a Filipina housekeeper and she’s been here in the USA illegally for 19 years while she has 10 kids and a husband back in Leyte. She has no intention of going back to that hell hole called he Philippines as long as she’s getting those US greenbacks. I pray that ICE sends her gre day ass back to her country.
You gotta get yourself a Canadian girlfriend .

Jan 10, 2018
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Excellent article - so true.
by: Anonymous

Their support of family is like the Stockholm Syndrome. Marriage is an arrangement where the brides family links their family "pontoon" to a mans family and that "pontoon" and have kids to support them in retirement. This is why they never marry down as it will be a financial drain through the son. An asawa (husband) ranks far lower than any relative as the husband is not blood related. Marriage is just a duty or function, it has nothing to to with what we call romantic love, passion or intimacy. They learn to send money home to the family nest, not fly away and create a new one. The only solution to the problem is do what men from neighboring Asian countries do which is pay for play. Never marry, it's just usury. See MGTOW 101's YouTube video titled "The Ugly Truth about SE Asian Women". Peace!

Dec 27, 2017
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This is true
by: FedUp

I'm Filipina but born and raised in the US.

While I can't say that I'm the type of Filipino who would feel comfortable living exclusively off the kindness of others, my dad's family definitely are.

My mom, my sister, and I have distanced ourselves from my dad and his family. He insists we're being proud and selfish but I can't see it that way.

For years, my aunt from the Philippines would come to the US for a few months and stay from house to house. Eventually she discovered she could work under the table as a caregiver. That increased her visits to the US.

Even though she was making her own money, she would still freeload off my dad. Taking trips on his dime and using his money for food and whatnot.

Her kids started coming to the US every few months as well and it was startling to see the stark contrast between those born in the US vs. the ones from the Philippines. My cousin (who is pushing 40 and older than me) would spend the entire day on the couch while I went to work. When I got home, he'd expect me to take him out to dinner. I obliged a few times but my wallet began to run thin.

While I understand that he couldn't have done much during his six month visit since he didn't live here but WHY did he have to stay for SIX MONTHS? It just made it all the more obvious he was only here for a free ride. To see what he could get from my dad for the duration of his visit.

It's true the worst thing you could do is speak up in defense of yourself. When you point out that you can see them taking advantage, they start pointing the finger at you. Telling you that you're selfish and greedy.

But it's not greedy. I worked hard for the money I earned. I went to school and have dedicated my life to the understanding that if I work hard, I can be successful. It was so hard to see how they resigned to a life dependent on what others could give them.

I have to give my aunt some credit for finding a job, albeit an illegal one, but she still took advantage of whatever monetary support my dad could give her.

There's more to this story but I'm getting frustrated living this situation out in my head. Sorry to hear about your experience but I hope you find solace in knowing you're not alone.

Nov 14, 2017
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Filipino Freeloaders
by: Karen

My 70 year old dad is being bled dry by a Filipino lady old enough to be his daughter. He is basically sending her thousands each month and claims he is in love. Now he is paying for her son and her friend and she is blatantly demanding the money with promises of a future together. She thinks he is rich but he's just an ordinary person wasting his retirement nest egg on a hope. It's really heartless and we his family are powerless against her.

Oct 05, 2017
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Philippine Travel
by: Chicos

My best friend migrated now in Canada with his filipina wife. And he tells me everything about the life and characteristics of people all over his place including in the US. Well, it's totally different from us as Filipino especially in the women's perception. I gotta say that Filipino women are very kind and sweet. If you marry a filipina then you will never regret it. No need to change at all from her. Prepare now for your travel and so that you'll get your travel insurance as soon as possible here https://www.ecomparemo.com/travel-insurance

Sep 03, 2017
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Filipina Scum-bag deceived a man for nearly 30 years!
by: Anonymous

Evertthing in the article are true. I was caught by a real Scammer and Fraudsterin the 80's well before the age of internet or facebook.Within 2 hours of arriving in manila and meeting herforthe 1st time, she used her body.I had never had so much fucking in my life!Iwasa sex starved divoced single father in the uk.Butit wasa part of her plan to get hersef pregnant ; a part ofillegal enryto the UK, Everything seemed funcional. We got married.I worked hard,had children.Then she suggested that I paid for her College Education so as to help finacialy after graduatin.Her w graduatin coincided with her British Citizenship.THEN IT WAS A HEL!Working bur made no contribution, Ran a private bank account,Stopped informing me about a house which she and her family conned me to buy in Cebu,refused to paytowards the mortgae of the house in the UK. She became a monster, so Ipetitioned for Divorce. Luckily,I found out she is a Bigamist asking for 50% of everything I have! She and her Crooked family knew what they were doing all these years! The Case still ongoing.(See UK Mail On Line, Nov 12,2015-Essex Man Wants His Marriage Nillified. Contact me if you can help or advise meon how to seek for the transfer the ownership of my house in Cebu to my present filipina partner. I can't own land there.I have got a very Good Cebu based Filipinp lawyer Friend who has been so effective

Feb 04, 2017
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Definitely
by: Anonymous

I married a Filipina and yes, many Filipinos are shameless freeloaders, they open there mouth and await someone puts something inside, come to your place and use everything as if it's their stuff. If you refuse, they get very angry lol. They say it is their culture, but it is a very one way culture. Take and give nothing in return.

Nov 01, 2016
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Use your head before you listen to your heart.
by: Mark from Salem, VA USA

I understand the tales of woe; and doubtless there is substance in fact. I think two factors enter into play here.

1) Life aint got no guarantees, and if God had not wanted a man to use his brain, he wouldve given him two penises instead. A man, no matter how low his self-esteem or in love, should insist on his G/F and her family treating him with respect. If a man continues to tolerate her family's bad behavior, he is being play for a chump. Dont cause a fuss; dont be broken-hearted LEAVE!

2) Every domestic breakup has two sides...yours and the a$$hole's. Only the jilted man is telling us his side. Most Filipinas are good people.

Oct 20, 2016
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True!
by: Louissa RN

I totally agree to this. Some filipino don't try to work hard to be somewhere in life. They rather ask money than find a solution on how they can improve financially. They don't think about the future and have no control in spending their money. I myself is a Filipina and married to an american, it makes me sick how some people who is not even close to me feel entitled of my earning. When I was still in PH I worked my a** off! Even if I have an american BF I tried to be independent and finish college (Nursing) and get an online part-time job, and only ask the money that I need from my father who is also working outside of the country.

My parents are separated, my father's side is in middle class and most of them live outside of the country so they knew how hard life is outside of the country and won't bother asking me anything. However, my problem is my mother's side. Though I'm not close to them, they keep on asking me money like I owe it to them, would ask for medical bills, blah blah blah. I got tired of their excuses when they are able to work but they chose not to work hard, so I stopped. It's just stressful and never ending. Now I'm the bad person. But whatever, I don't need leeches who will just be there when they need something. This has to stop!

Btw, know the woman first before you jump into marriage bec there are a lot of scammers in PH. Even my husband has been scammed. Make sure she is educated and her family have jobs so you won't end up being the ATM machine. Also, with age gap, some women make it as an excuse that, "age doesn't matter", but that's not true. Some women there will try to make you believe that they're inlove. I heard a lot of stories like that. Don't be fooled! This makes me mad as they're making all Filipinas look bad. :( Anyhow, not all Filipinas are like that. There are still good apples out there. You just gotta pick the right one. Me(25yo) and my husband(27) is happily married. Good luck on your search!

Sep 12, 2016
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They are a bunch of freeloaders
by: Anonymous

I dated a filipino girl online and i was paying everything for her on ths pretense that she would come to be my wife. I caught on to what was going on and dumped her for good. Worthless free loaders.

Apr 08, 2016
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Using other people for own material gains
by: Anonymous

I apologize for what you all have even through.

I am half-Filipino and half African -American
Born and raised in the Philippines.

Yes a lot of people there depend on others which is unhealthy and just plain laziness. It is sad because some kids grow up seeing this kind I environment and the cycle continues.

Majority of people also think foreigners especially white/ blonde have a lot of money so some women will try their best to look for one to date or to marry.

But not all people are the same. You will find people who just ask for money from relatives, others, and not willing to work even if they are able and you will find some people who are hardworkers.

Nov 17, 2015
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to fillipinos by anonymus
by: Anonymous

Sorry to hear your son took his life over this and these kind of parasites. they can and will destroy anyone they see they can benefit from. i had to get a lot of support during my summer there... i was lucky to find this site called fillipinofailblog. what is really frustrating though when you find yourself looking for validation and then being criticized on these blogs by other individuals it's crazy making. i think are fillipino's that justify this or they married to one and still in denial themselves. but i did get lots of support as well from ofws.... if ofws can validate me and fillipas who are psychiatrists, social workers etc and classify their own people and families back in the phillipines with cluster b personailites..it validates my trauma...they were the most helpful and stuck with me..they did suggest i cut ties as they had to do with their families. that they had no empathy and would not stop till they bankrupt you.. its not love.. these ofws have witnessed this kind of exploitation in their lives or they saw how their parents were treated. this is no way about being poor etc... i thought i would see it that way but didnt when i was there... i saw sociopathy/narcissism... exploitativeness/entitlement... very irresponsible behavior as well... family values... sorry its to use each other.... people call it pinoy pride... they like gifts etc... its freeloading.... enmeshment... no conscience whatsover...really makes me sick when people see this as good family values....just warning people be careful there... im still talking to this lady but im in thailand now. i had only known her a few months and after i left mom was asking wheres your support from your kano. i gave her money to last 1 or 2 months and money for a passport to join me. but she spent some of the passport money and lied about it delaying meeting me. i even have jobs for her here... but after knowing this family its not work they want... its a freeride...exploitativeness/entitlement...makes them feel good too.. the most immoral way to treat another,,, they dont appreciate it either,,, enough will never be good enough.... thats is reality for most expats i met.... i dont know what to do with her.. but i cannot be around her family... they are about 30 of them ready to freeload...if i had money i wouldnt want to share it this way...she says shes prepared to leave them behind as they are doing this to sister boyfriend as well,,, i refuse,,, i dont have it if i did it would be for education or health...they lost respect for me someone mentioned here... they have no respect buddy..for anybody....warm people sorry no... in general sociopaths...and its easy to become victims to sociopaths.... i know i need to let her go... because she has these traits... and im not sure if she is using me as well... agian i understand how your son felt...in a very short time i did too feel this way,,, im actually a very sensitive and compassionate person too.... thats something they will exploit too... i dont know what this lady really wants... is she sincere... thats something you have to question....this has been the most difficult 6 months of my life... i do know i do not want to deal with such intrusiveness and immoral behavior... most expats i did meet here to drank heavily...and so do most of her family... some as young as 14 with severe issues ...if you need drinking partners????? anyways i will never minimize how some people have been treated by these families... and its not like this all over the world...ive never been treated like this in the over 10 countries ve been too... this is a very dangerous twisted culture....i find the good ones will admit to it... thankyou for sharing

Nov 17, 2015
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Response to Mark Salem, who has visited 6 times phillipnes
by: Anonymous

Hi Mark from Salem;
In regards to your comment I have been there twice. First time for 1 week second time 2 months. My experience there is a reality for most.I happened to be there at the same time as my girl friends sisters boyfriend from Australia . I am sure he felt the same way. Also I frequented a few expats establishments and the stories I heard from some of the men were worse than my story. Maybe this hasnt been your experience however my experience with people who criticize me or minimize such immoral behavior are blind. And we dont expect it, we dont know what's coming. If you don't see it there I am surprised.And as far as my experience regarding diferrent cultures I have been to many different countries since 2010. Atleast 6 to visit or to work. And Phillipines there is a serious problem with sociopathy/npd. They have no conscience and dont care whom they step over. Maybe read some of the comments below and check phillipinefailblog. I will just say you will evenntually see it. I felt insulted by your comments. Also the support I got from people during this experience, and it was traumatizing was from ofw's whom themselves are treated this way.

Oct 01, 2015
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Benefit of the doubt
by: Mark from Salem, VA USA

Over the last 6 years I have made over a dozen trips to the Philippines and spent over 2 weeks each time. I have NEVER experienced anything such as you describe. I have not visited Butuan, but I cannot imagine its residents not being the same warm, generous Filipinos I have found in other places.

All societies have low-class, worthless individuals..even entire families, but God gave you a brain to recognize these people. Open your eyes; and after the benefit of the doubt runs out, leave! You were played a sucker, and they lost all respect for you.


Oct 01, 2015
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Filipinos
by: Anonymous

My son went bankrupt and could not cope with
all her Filipino family.

He took his life leaving a 1 year old son behind.
Every thing in your letter is true.

I did DNA grandparent testing and paid for 1.5
years until SS insurance kicked in, It cost me
about $15,000.

They live a life of scamming foreigners and family. They can't seem to tell the truth about
anything.

If you you have extra money it belongs to everyone else. You will be called PROUD.

They gave a culture unlike anyone else.

Sorceress witchcraft and even up to 60 years ago
cannibalism.

You understated many of their ways of life.


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