freeloading filipino families, bunch of users

by mark

My Story- Summer 2015

I have or maybe had when you read this a Filipina girlfriend,
I will start by telling you my immediate experience with some of her family.

All they wanted from me from the very get go were gifts and money, and even her brother and friend came to my house I rented for us asking for money, most likely for beer, cigarettes or whatever, within 24 hours of arriving on my second visit. This same brother about 20yo would drive by the house asking for things he knew we might have like chocolate which she took from our fridge and brought to him outside.

I almost didn’t come because of my first visit which was for 1 week in April 2015. I was paying everything for several family members (for her aunt, aunt’s bf and their kids) on a daily basis and her Aunt wanted to plan our time there which my girlfriend was ready to follow which was to include all of them of course. This was our first time meeting in person after maybe 2 months of chatting. I was shocked on how they were so ready to take advantage from the second I arrived. I returned telling her sorry but I don’t want this in my life and that I had a miserable time. But I was assured this would not be the case in the future. But it was the case again, expected to pay for everything and everyone.

If you don’t do what they want or complain they may accuse you of being cheap,being selfish or counting everything, but believe me it adds up quickly and it is money I worked very hard for. To blow it on strangers ready to squander money I worked hard for is offensive to me. They claim it’s their culture or they have strong family values or its sharing etc. but really it’s simply exploitation.

So I rented a small little home for 1 month. There were many dogs, cats and chickens in the neighborhood. Most dogs running loose, barking day and night, eating your garbage and lots of puppies. Now witnessing their parenting skills and nutrient was the next thing upsetting me. They choose the worst food/junk to eat and drink, it’s even more expensive. Most kids front teeth have rotten away by 10-13 y/o. This seems to be about the age many also quit school. I refused to eat like this or feed her siblings this way but they usually pushed aside the healthier food I served them.

They think they are more important to your spouse/gf/etc. than you are and they expect loyalty from their children, niece/nephews, cousins 1st 2nd 3rd, grandchildren, even other Filipinos’ over you, for the sake of the family or culture when they want money or something.

They use foreigners as a source to support them, their children and all their family members. They say it’s their culture but it’s simply a freeloading lazy exploitative narcissistic mentality, a kind prostitution and uncivilized behavior.

What’s mine or what I worked hard for she considered was hers instantly and what is hers her family considers is theirs as well. Even personal items of mine she shares with them, from the pillow and blanket on my bed, even my bed, breath mints,razor, whatever I had before I considered very personal to me are not here. They just help themselves without permission. I’ve have watched them smoke other peoples cigarettes, take food off their plate in restaurants and even drink out of their glasses/cups without permission.

I’ve asked her and her siblings to not eat between meals or everything once we arrive from the grocery store. She will also add items to the grocery cart we already have or for her parents. I cannot afford all this nor am i being appreciated or respected and they don’t get it. I can go on and on how I feel taken advantage of. It’s not their money they are spending or worked for, I am sure it would be a different story if it was.

I’m sure with most foreigners or anyone who has a job it’s the same. You invite a couple of them out for dinner or your home once the others are aware of it more and more will show up with their kids and all, ready to raid your home and take without permission and litter all over, with disgusting eating habits. At first when they showed invited or uninvited they wanted me to pay their taxi. They expect you to provide meals, alcohol, cigarettes, pay transportation home or they may want to stay even for the night, week or month or until they find something better.

Like I mentioned above they like to show up without an invitation and feel they are entitled to invite others to your home with all their kids. They are happy to waste food and other things when others pay. Yet they can barely afford rice on their own. They abuse your generosity to a level that is disgusting and do nothing for you.
However children are raised this way to take care of their parents etc. I don’t think it is love as they do, it is an unhealthy dependency and a way to justify leaching/mooching of each other to protect their way of life. Yet they seek foreigners to support not just one of them but all of them. Why? There is no shame here or guilt for what they do. I doubt it will work out for me and my gf as I can’t stand this type of behavior it is toxic to me and causes overwhelming resentments and a lack of trust.

All the extras on them really add up. If they see any money or assets in the future connected to her I am sure they will come after it, like it is theirs or they have a right to it.

This is a post I read was written by a Pilipino: The Filipino’s concept of close family ties gave rise to a tradition not really meant to evoke affection between family members but rather to take advantage and leech on those who are successful; to mooch from those who labor and think; to ride on and claim pride from the accomplishments of others because they are your kin or a “kababayan.” It is a product of mediocrity, laziness, lack of self-respect and a failure to become independent self-determinists.

You probably heard the saying ’beggars can’t be choosy’, meaning people who depend on the generosity of others are in no position to dictate what others give them, but not the case with Filipinos, they’re choosy and will take advantage when they can even call you cheap if they are not satisfied and criticize how you spend your money on them or yourself.

Once they can’t rely on their youth, appearance or sex appeal anymore they will be abandoned. From my experience here I believe many of them whose bf works abroad and who sends them money, these women are not even faithful to them and have other secret bf or keep looking for other men online they can exploit/seduce into giving to them or sending them money. Disgusting but true in many of these cases involving foreigners and online dating sites.

Yes they spend this money you send them on friends and family, going to bars/discos, liquor, cigarettes etc…they have fun while you work, easy money they can spread around is all they care about. This is not love it’s using/abuse/deceit.

If you do decide to continue with a relationship with someone from this country I suggest strong boundaries from the beginning. Don’t give unless it is really needed or for health. Do not allow just anyone to drop in without an invitation, don’t pay for everything or everyone, and see how they react and if they respect your relationship, make sure your gf respects you too and your well-being comes first.

When we are alone and I start to feel some peace, manageability and tranquility I will start to notice litter they left on my property from ice pop packages, gum wrappers, bottles, candy wrappers and then stepping on blobs of gum sticking on my shoes while I am trying to bbq or there is garbage under or in the cracks of the sofa etc.

Then they think I am cheap, close minded, moody or anti-social. I have limits and standards which is something they don’t understand, they are ready to defend their behavior and way of life but want the foreigner to bail them out and feel sorry for them. I know my relationship is about what I am,not whom I am and it will be a miserable existence for me. I can’t wait to look back on this and be free again. What I did learn though is that the stupidity, lack of education and poverty here has a lot to do with laziness and the enmeshed/codependent family structure.

I once thought I could save for a home for us here and maybe start a small business but never under these conditions, nor do I believe she will be able change intrusiveness that would preventg this from happening as much as she tries to convince me.

Comments for freeloading filipino families, bunch of users

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Feb 04, 2017
by: Anonymous

I married a Filipina and yes, many Filipinos are shameless freeloaders, they open there mouth and await someone puts something inside, come to your place and use everything as if it's their stuff. If you refuse, they get very angry lol. They say it is their culture, but it is a very one way culture. Take and give nothing in return.

Nov 01, 2016
Use your head before you listen to your heart.
by: Mark from Salem, VA USA

I understand the tales of woe; and doubtless there is substance in fact. I think two factors enter into play here.

1) Life aint got no guarantees, and if God had not wanted a man to use his brain, he wouldve given him two penises instead. A man, no matter how low his self-esteem or in love, should insist on his G/F and her family treating him with respect. If a man continues to tolerate her family's bad behavior, he is being play for a chump. Dont cause a fuss; dont be broken-hearted LEAVE!

2) Every domestic breakup has two sides...yours and the a$$hole's. Only the jilted man is telling us his side. Most Filipinas are good people.

Oct 20, 2016
by: Louissa RN

I totally agree to this. Some filipino don't try to work hard to be somewhere in life. They rather ask money than find a solution on how they can improve financially. They don't think about the future and have no control in spending their money. I myself is a Filipina and married to an american, it makes me sick how some people who is not even close to me feel entitled of my earning. When I was still in PH I worked my a** off! Even if I have an american BF I tried to be independent and finish college (Nursing) and get an online part-time job, and only ask the money that I need from my father who is also working outside of the country.

My parents are separated, my father's side is in middle class and most of them live outside of the country so they knew how hard life is outside of the country and won't bother asking me anything. However, my problem is my mother's side. Though I'm not close to them, they keep on asking me money like I owe it to them, would ask for medical bills, blah blah blah. I got tired of their excuses when they are able to work but they chose not to work hard, so I stopped. It's just stressful and never ending. Now I'm the bad person. But whatever, I don't need leeches who will just be there when they need something. This has to stop!

Btw, know the woman first before you jump into marriage bec there are a lot of scammers in PH. Even my husband has been scammed. Make sure she is educated and her family have jobs so you won't end up being the ATM machine. Also, with age gap, some women make it as an excuse that, "age doesn't matter", but that's not true. Some women there will try to make you believe that they're inlove. I heard a lot of stories like that. Don't be fooled! This makes me mad as they're making all Filipinas look bad. :( Anyhow, not all Filipinas are like that. There are still good apples out there. You just gotta pick the right one. Me(25yo) and my husband(27) is happily married. Good luck on your search!

Sep 12, 2016
They are a bunch of freeloaders
by: Anonymous

I dated a filipino girl online and i was paying everything for her on ths pretense that she would come to be my wife. I caught on to what was going on and dumped her for good. Worthless free loaders.

Apr 08, 2016
Using other people for own material gains
by: Anonymous

I apologize for what you all have even through.

I am half-Filipino and half African -American
Born and raised in the Philippines.

Yes a lot of people there depend on others which is unhealthy and just plain laziness. It is sad because some kids grow up seeing this kind I environment and the cycle continues.

Majority of people also think foreigners especially white/ blonde have a lot of money so some women will try their best to look for one to date or to marry.

But not all people are the same. You will find people who just ask for money from relatives, others, and not willing to work even if they are able and you will find some people who are hardworkers.

Nov 17, 2015
to fillipinos by anonymus
by: Anonymous

Sorry to hear your son took his life over this and these kind of parasites. they can and will destroy anyone they see they can benefit from. i had to get a lot of support during my summer there... i was lucky to find this site called fillipinofailblog. what is really frustrating though when you find yourself looking for validation and then being criticized on these blogs by other individuals it's crazy making. i think are fillipino's that justify this or they married to one and still in denial themselves. but i did get lots of support as well from ofws.... if ofws can validate me and fillipas who are psychiatrists, social workers etc and classify their own people and families back in the phillipines with cluster b validates my trauma...they were the most helpful and stuck with me..they did suggest i cut ties as they had to do with their families. that they had no empathy and would not stop till they bankrupt you.. its not love.. these ofws have witnessed this kind of exploitation in their lives or they saw how their parents were treated. this is no way about being poor etc... i thought i would see it that way but didnt when i was there... i saw sociopathy/narcissism... exploitativeness/entitlement... very irresponsible behavior as well... family values... sorry its to use each other.... people call it pinoy pride... they like gifts etc... its freeloading.... enmeshment... no conscience whatsover...really makes me sick when people see this as good family values....just warning people be careful there... im still talking to this lady but im in thailand now. i had only known her a few months and after i left mom was asking wheres your support from your kano. i gave her money to last 1 or 2 months and money for a passport to join me. but she spent some of the passport money and lied about it delaying meeting me. i even have jobs for her here... but after knowing this family its not work they want... its a freeride...exploitativeness/entitlement...makes them feel good too.. the most immoral way to treat another,,, they dont appreciate it either,,, enough will never be good enough.... thats is reality for most expats i met.... i dont know what to do with her.. but i cannot be around her family... they are about 30 of them ready to freeload...if i had money i wouldnt want to share it this way...she says shes prepared to leave them behind as they are doing this to sister boyfriend as well,,, i refuse,,, i dont have it if i did it would be for education or health...they lost respect for me someone mentioned here... they have no respect buddy..for anybody....warm people sorry no... in general sociopaths...and its easy to become victims to sociopaths.... i know i need to let her go... because she has these traits... and im not sure if she is using me as well... agian i understand how your son a very short time i did too feel this way,,, im actually a very sensitive and compassionate person too.... thats something they will exploit too... i dont know what this lady really wants... is she sincere... thats something you have to question....this has been the most difficult 6 months of my life... i do know i do not want to deal with such intrusiveness and immoral behavior... most expats i did meet here to drank heavily...and so do most of her family... some as young as 14 with severe issues ...if you need drinking partners????? anyways i will never minimize how some people have been treated by these families... and its not like this all over the world...ive never been treated like this in the over 10 countries ve been too... this is a very dangerous twisted culture....i find the good ones will admit to it... thankyou for sharing

Nov 17, 2015
Response to Mark Salem, who has visited 6 times phillipnes
by: Anonymous

Hi Mark from Salem;
In regards to your comment I have been there twice. First time for 1 week second time 2 months. My experience there is a reality for most.I happened to be there at the same time as my girl friends sisters boyfriend from Australia . I am sure he felt the same way. Also I frequented a few expats establishments and the stories I heard from some of the men were worse than my story. Maybe this hasnt been your experience however my experience with people who criticize me or minimize such immoral behavior are blind. And we dont expect it, we dont know what's coming. If you don't see it there I am surprised.And as far as my experience regarding diferrent cultures I have been to many different countries since 2010. Atleast 6 to visit or to work. And Phillipines there is a serious problem with sociopathy/npd. They have no conscience and dont care whom they step over. Maybe read some of the comments below and check phillipinefailblog. I will just say you will evenntually see it. I felt insulted by your comments. Also the support I got from people during this experience, and it was traumatizing was from ofw's whom themselves are treated this way.

Oct 01, 2015
Benefit of the doubt
by: Mark from Salem, VA USA

Over the last 6 years I have made over a dozen trips to the Philippines and spent over 2 weeks each time. I have NEVER experienced anything such as you describe. I have not visited Butuan, but I cannot imagine its residents not being the same warm, generous Filipinos I have found in other places.

All societies have low-class, worthless individuals..even entire families, but God gave you a brain to recognize these people. Open your eyes; and after the benefit of the doubt runs out, leave! You were played a sucker, and they lost all respect for you.

Oct 01, 2015
by: Anonymous

My son went bankrupt and could not cope with
all her Filipino family.

He took his life leaving a 1 year old son behind.
Every thing in your letter is true.

I did DNA grandparent testing and paid for 1.5
years until SS insurance kicked in, It cost me
about $15,000.

They live a life of scamming foreigners and family. They can't seem to tell the truth about

If you you have extra money it belongs to everyone else. You will be called PROUD.

They gave a culture unlike anyone else.

Sorceress witchcraft and even up to 60 years ago

You understated many of their ways of life.

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