freeloading filipino families, bunch of users
My Story- Summer 2015
I have or maybe had when you read this a Filipina girlfriend,
I will start by telling you my immediate experience with some of her family.
All they wanted from me from the very get go were gifts and money, and even her brother and friend came to my house I rented for us asking for money, most likely for beer, cigarettes or whatever, within 24 hours of arriving on my second visit. This same brother about 20yo would drive by the house asking for things he knew we might have like chocolate which she took from our fridge and brought to him outside.
I almost didn’t come because of my first visit which was for 1 week in April 2015. I was paying everything for several family members (for her aunt, aunt’s bf and their kids) on a daily basis and her Aunt wanted to plan our time there which my girlfriend was ready to follow which was to include all of them of course. This was our first time meeting in person after maybe 2 months of chatting. I was shocked on how they were so ready to take advantage from the second I arrived. I returned telling her sorry but I don’t want this in my life and that I had a miserable time. But I was assured this would not be the case in the future. But it was the case again, expected to pay for everything and everyone.
If you don’t do what they want or complain they may accuse you of being cheap,being selfish or counting everything, but believe me it adds up quickly and it is money I worked very hard for. To blow it on strangers ready to squander money I worked hard for is offensive to me. They claim it’s their culture or they have strong family values or its sharing etc. but really it’s simply exploitation.
So I rented a small little home for 1 month. There were many dogs, cats and chickens in the neighborhood. Most dogs running loose, barking day and night, eating your garbage and lots of puppies. Now witnessing their parenting skills and nutrient was the next thing upsetting me. They choose the worst food/junk to eat and drink, it’s even more expensive. Most kids front teeth have rotten away by 10-13 y/o. This seems to be about the age many also quit school. I refused to eat like this or feed her siblings this way but they usually pushed aside the healthier food I served them.
They think they are more important to your spouse/gf/etc. than you are and they expect loyalty from their children, niece/nephews, cousins 1st 2nd 3rd, grandchildren, even other Filipinos’ over you, for the sake of the family or culture when they want money or something.
They use foreigners as a source to support them, their children and all their family members. They say it’s their culture but it’s simply a freeloading lazy exploitative narcissistic mentality, a kind prostitution and uncivilized behavior.
What’s mine or what I worked hard for she considered was hers instantly and what is hers her family considers is theirs as well. Even personal items of mine she shares with them, from the pillow and blanket on my bed, even my bed, breath mints,razor, whatever I had before I considered very personal to me are not here. They just help themselves without permission. I’ve have watched them smoke other peoples cigarettes, take food off their plate in restaurants and even drink out of their glasses/cups without permission.
I’ve asked her and her siblings to not eat between meals or everything once we arrive from the grocery store. She will also add items to the grocery cart we already have or for her parents. I cannot afford all this nor am i being appreciated or respected and they don’t get it. I can go on and on how I feel taken advantage of. It’s not their money they are spending or worked for, I am sure it would be a different story if it was.
I’m sure with most foreigners or anyone who has a job it’s the same. You invite a couple of them out for dinner or your home once the others are aware of it more and more will show up with their kids and all, ready to raid your home and take without permission and litter all over, with disgusting eating habits. At first when they showed invited or uninvited they wanted me to pay their taxi. They expect you to provide meals, alcohol, cigarettes, pay transportation home or they may want to stay even for the night, week or month or until they find something better.
Like I mentioned above they like to show up without an invitation and feel they are entitled to invite others to your home with all their kids. They are happy to waste food and other things when others pay. Yet they can barely afford rice on their own. They abuse your generosity to a level that is disgusting and do nothing for you.
However children are raised this way to take care of their parents etc. I don’t think it is love as they do, it is an unhealthy dependency and a way to justify leaching/mooching of each other to protect their way of life. Yet they seek foreigners to support not just one of them but all of them. Why? There is no shame here or guilt for what they do. I doubt it will work out for me and my gf as I can’t stand this type of behavior it is toxic to me and causes overwhelming resentments and a lack of trust.
All the extras on them really add up. If they see any money or assets in the future connected to her I am sure they will come after it, like it is theirs or they have a right to it.
This is a post I read was written by a Pilipino: The Filipino’s concept of close family ties gave rise to a tradition not really meant to evoke affection between family members but rather to take advantage and leech on those who are successful; to mooch from those who labor and think; to ride on and claim pride from the accomplishments of others because they are your kin or a “kababayan.” It is a product of mediocrity, laziness, lack of self-respect and a failure to become independent self-determinists.
You probably heard the saying ’beggars can’t be choosy’, meaning people who depend on the generosity of others are in no position to dictate what others give them, but not the case with Filipinos, they’re choosy and will take advantage when they can even call you cheap if they are not satisfied and criticize how you spend your money on them or yourself.
Once they can’t rely on their youth, appearance or sex appeal anymore they will be abandoned. From my experience here I believe many of them whose bf works abroad and who sends them money, these women are not even faithful to them and have other secret bf or keep looking for other men online they can exploit/seduce into giving to them or sending them money. Disgusting but true in many of these cases involving foreigners and online dating sites.
Yes they spend this money you send them on friends and family, going to bars/discos, liquor, cigarettes etc…they have fun while you work, easy money they can spread around is all they care about. This is not love it’s using/abuse/deceit.
If you do decide to continue with a relationship with someone from this country I suggest strong boundaries from the beginning. Don’t give unless it is really needed or for health. Do not allow just anyone to drop in without an invitation, don’t pay for everything or everyone, and see how they react and if they respect your relationship, make sure your gf respects you too and your well-being comes first.
When we are alone and I start to feel some peace, manageability and tranquility I will start to notice litter they left on my property from ice pop packages, gum wrappers, bottles, candy wrappers and then stepping on blobs of gum sticking on my shoes while I am trying to bbq or there is garbage under or in the cracks of the sofa etc.
Then they think I am cheap, close minded, moody or anti-social. I have limits and standards which is something they don’t understand, they are ready to defend their behavior and way of life but want the foreigner to bail them out and feel sorry for them. I know my relationship is about what I am,not whom I am and it will be a miserable existence for me. I can’t wait to look back on this and be free again. What I did learn though is that the stupidity, lack of education and poverty here has a lot to do with laziness and the enmeshed/codependent family structure.
I once thought I could save for a home for us here and maybe start a small business but never under these conditions, nor do I believe she will be able change intrusiveness that would preventg this from happening as much as she tries to convince me.